Dear Ike,
I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that I am not happy with your visit to my home. I believe that you owe ME an apology and or/monetary reimbursement. In fact skip the apology, just give me the money. If you must pass the reimbursement through FEMA, that is fine, just as long as I know it came out of your pocket. Below is a list of the traumas that I experienced due to your invasion of my home.
1. I had to take nearly a week off of work.
2. My back hurts, yes, it did hurt before you came, but it hurts in a different place now.
3. I have three power generators, I got them for me and my neighbors and friends, but before I could deliver them my neighbors had power and my friends had a generator of their own.
4. Scratch number 3, I actually have 4 power generators because my brother in Albuquerque got one for me too.
5. I had to learn how to back a trailer up because I had to haul around 3 power generators.
6. I had to watch Geraldo on Fox News.
7. The power generators cost more to operate than the food in my fridge is worth.
8. I had to lift 3 power generators multiple times (see #3).
9. I had to put my fence back up and it's still tipping sideways (see #3).
10. You forced my neighbor into kidnapping his own kids to prove that camping in the backyard of a friends house is not safe.
11. My bathroom smells funny and not the usual kind of funny.
12. I have a curfew.
13. You made my wife curse me.
14. I had to take down plywood from windows that were not my own.
15. My son was not able to play with his toy vacuum while he was in Austin.
16. You made me throw a case of bottled water because I couldn't tie it down in the trailer (see 13).
17. In order to test my power generator I plugged in a lamp without a bulb.
18. I tossed a lamp without a bulb across my living room because it would not light up while attached to the generator (see 13).
19. I got a text message saying that my power was on right before driving home. I was actually upset that my power was on because I had 4 damn generators!
20. My power was not actually on and it is still off.
21. The opossum that lives in my backyard is gone.
22. My son can't sleep with the power generator on because it is too loud, so I have to turn it off.
As you can see this was and continues to be a horrible experience! I think I am going to find a physician to diagnose me with PTSD so I can stick a bigger bill on you. Take that IKE!
Truly,
George
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5 comments:
The opossum disappearing is a good thing, no?
The opossum disappearing is NOT a good thing because the little critter was teaching Otto & Wolfi the virtues of patience and sharing. It also made him feel as if he was "connected" with a certain, former employer whom he dearly loves and admires. We are in mourning now.
let's not forget that Ike caused your kidnapping neighbors to also B&E your house for "beverages". Ike is evil.....I never saw myself as a kidnapper or pilager!!!!
Neighbor
Maybe the opossum was offended that you didn't help him board up his swamp and bring him a generator.
23. George must continue to look at Susan's highlights that are positioned approximately no where near her scalp.
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