Tiger Woods leaves out Jesus in his apology

Jesus is steaming mad and his anger is all directed at one person, Tiger Woods, who, he says, ruined his life. Before the Tiger Woods cheating scandal Jesus Ramirez lead a normal life, he had a wife, six children and three mistresses on the side. But ever since the Tiger scandal made headlines Jesus’ life has changed. “I didn’t used to have to worry about making sure I got the cell phone bill first, I never had to erase my cookies, or empty the trash folder in my email.” Jesus claims that ever since Tiger’s car accident his wife watches his every move. He has had to break up with one of his mistresses, open a post office box and he pays cash for a separate cell phone line. “Mistresses are expensive enough, now I have to pay for a separate phone! Tiger has made my life a living hell,” Jesus says. This story is common across the western world, with scandals like Mark Sanford and Ashley Cole men are finding it harder and harder to juggle their relationships and continue living a normal life. According to Jesus, Tiger has one more apology to make, “Tiger needs to tell me he’s sorry, I mean what the hell was he thinking, everyone knows the four mistress max rule. That bastard is costing me money!” Yes Tiger, it may be time to apologize to all the men whose life you have destroyed, maybe you’ll think about that the next time you are eating hot wings at Hooters.